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Posts Tagged ‘Howie’

Folks, I’m just gonna go ahead and give it to ya’ll straight-up: there is just about nothing in the world better than spending a lazy Sunday afternoon chillaxin’ on the old sof’ and wasting the whole day away watching the bright and shining stars of the NFL do their thang. Add about a dozen or so frosty cans of easy drinkin’ Busch beer to the mix and you’ve damn near put me up with the angels in heaven. And this is especially true for me right now because I’m too cheap to pay Cox Cable any of my hard earned money, so the fact that these blessed events are beamed into my living room on 2 of the 4 fuzzy chanels that I get makes it that much sweeter. Yet with all the good that I speak of, there is one teensy drawback to spending the whold day glued to a TV set that happens to be tuned in to CBS:

For fuck’s sake, if I have to see another damn advertisement for “Two And a Half Men,” I swear I’m gonna go on a violent stabbing spree that will not end until the blood of at least thirty innocent citizens washes through the streets of midtown Tucson. And it doesn’t stop with 2AAHM (as they refer to it on the blogs.) There’s ‘The Mentalist.” Man, I really like to see how a twice-embarrased Eagles’ defense will hold up against the balanced offensive attack of the Steelers, so therefore I must surely be ecstatic about series premier of “The Mentalist.” Oh my gosh, the Dolphins are actually beating the Patriots, in New England no less, and Oh My Gosh, the “NICS” team is breaking up! Please, continue to show me an ad explaining how devestating it is that the folks of NICS are breaking up everytime you cut to a commercial (witch is apparently at every stoppage of play, you bastards.)

And the barrage of CBS programming ads isn’t even the end of it. What’s even worse are the numerous attempts at in-game advertising, where the commentators are forced to plug their chanel’s dramatic and comic offerings during the freakin’ games. I know good and well that Jim Nantz has a million poetic nuggets about football that he would rather be spouting instead of telling us that “CSI: Miami” is America’s favorite thing to zone out to in the evening, but tell us he must and groan I will. Oh man, there’s an in-game plug for “The Mentalist,” and then they cut to a shot of the Patriots’ head coach. Brilliant! And commentators, please for the love of God, don’t tell me your personal opinions about whatever shit show your broadcasting parter was forced to plug. Dan Dierdorf, your a good ex-football player and a crappy analyst, I don’t care that you think that “How I Met Your Mother” is “well written.” Let’s keep it about football, shall we?

Ugh, it’s like they are trying to make it as hard and as painful as it can possibly be to just veg out, nurse a hangover and enjoy a game of compettitive, American football. And don’t think that just because I’m picking on CBS that they are the only ones to blame. Fox, you suck too.

But with all my bitching, there is definitely something to like about watching football on network TV for 10 straight hours. I’m refering of course to Howard Long:

Howie

Yes, it is true that his musings on football are asinine, his playful joking with his pregame show co-host seems awkward and forced, and his demenor reeks of unabashed conservatism; but damn if that man can’t sell the shit out of Big Ass Trucks. The commercials where he is all up in his Big Ass Ford Truck and goads other dudes in slightly smaller trucks to do bold and manly things are absolutely hilarious. God bless you, Howie. Keep on goading those dudes on and I’ll keep on watching.

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